People often talk about the holidays as if they are automatically cheerful, filled with warmth and celebration. In reality, life is rarely that simple. If you’re grieving, this season can bring up emotions you thought had settled and reopen old wounds. What once was comforting can now highlight the absence of someone you miss, and this contrast can leave you feeling unsteady or painfully aware of the quiet spaces in your life.
According to Texas Health Resources, 38% of people experience higher stress during the holidays,1 often noticing increased anxiety, depression, or unhealthy coping habits. When grief is added to the mix, the “happiest time of the year” can quickly feel like the hardest.
Grief doesn’t follow a calendar. The sights, sounds, and smells of the season, an empty chair at the table or a favorite ornament on the tree, can make loss feel fresh again, reminding you to approach this time with gentleness and self-compassion.
How Grief Affects Us and Why It Feels So Heavy
Grief is not a single emotion. It’s a collection of experiences that can shift from sadness to anger, guilt, or even moments of laughter. When a loss is sudden or tied to trauma, these reactions can feel even more unpredictable.
A trauma-informed approach to grief focuses on safety, awareness, and compassion. Instead of forcing yourself to “move on,” it encourages you to move through grief at your own pace. It means recognizing that triggers and emotional waves are part of the process, not signs of weakness.
Ask yourself:
- What parts of the holidays feel hardest this year?
- Which traditions bring comfort, and which feel painful?
- How can I protect my emotional energy while still honoring my loved one’s memory?
These questions can help you identify what you need most and where to give yourself permission to step back.
Coping with Holiday Grief
While you can’t avoid the pain of loss, you can prepare for moments that feel heavier. Small, intentional choices can help you move through the season with greater stability and self-compassion.
Allow space for every feeling.
Grief doesn’t always look like sadness. It might manifest as irritability, fatigue, or even bursts of joy followed by guilt. All of it is normal. Allowing these emotions to exist together is part of healing.
Create new rituals of remembrance.
Honor your loved one in ways that feel meaningful: Light a candle, cook their favorite meal, or share a memory during dinner. Keeping their spirit present can make the season more heartfelt than hollow.
Set boundaries that protect your peace.
It’s okay to say no to events that feel overwhelming or to leave early if you need to. Choosing rest and reflection over obligation isn’t avoidance; it’s self-care.
Seek support when needed.
Grief can be isolating, but connection is vital. Lean on trusted friends, family, or support groups. Sharing your experience helps release what you’ve been carrying alone.
Supporting a Grieving Loved One
If someone you care about is grieving, remember that presence often matters more than words. Instead of trying to fix their pain, offer to listen, share a quiet moment, or help with simple tasks. Avoid phrases like “They’d want you to be happy.” Sometimes, just acknowledging their loss is the most healing thing you can do.
Finding Hope Again
The holidays may never feel exactly the same, but that doesn’t mean they can’t hold meaning. Healing isn’t forgetting; it’s learning to carry love and loss side by side. Over time, grief softens, and you begin to find moments of peace, laughter, and even joy again.
We’re Here to Support You
You don’t have to face grief alone. At Innova Recovery, our trauma-informed therapists specialize in helping clients process loss, rebuild emotional resilience, and rediscover hope, even during the most difficult seasons.
Learn more about our trauma therapy programs or contact us at (210) 254-3618 to connect with a therapist who can help you move through the holidays with compassion, balance, and renewed strength.
- Mental Health and the Holidays: Coping with Loneliness and Stress. Texas Health Resources. (2023, November 23). https://www.texashealth.org/areyouawellbeing/Behavioral-Health/Mental-Health-and-the-Holidays-Coping-with-Loneliness-and-Stress ↩︎
